Too Young To Think About Mortality?

I haven't posted in a while...I guess I'd say it's because things have stabilized in my life. I wrote a lot about instabilities in my relationship that now seem to be...non issues.

Somehow though, Stability seems to be an issue.

I experienced something the other day. A panic attack? Separation anxiety? Not quite sure. I just know I felt ten leagues under the sea and my heart was beating fast.

I had just been sitting at dinner with my boyfriend and his family.

Why did this happen?

It's going to sounds crazy, really it might, but I think that when something stabilizes in your life it allows you to suddenly, maybe just for a moment, look Far into the future. And that is what happened.

It was probably prompted by a phone conversation with my grandfather that morning. he was just standing at my grandmother's grave and telling me about his memories with her.

Later that afternoon my sister called to say that her and her boyfriend broke up.

Then that evening my Guy sat me down and wanted to know my thoughts on him moving to my hometown (which would in fact be closer to me than where he is now)

It was probably the first two things on that list of happenings that made me react to the last item on the list. We were just sitting at the table, peacefully, happily, STABILY, and suddenly I looked forward. Just for a second, I could see days and years and ages of my life passing with this guy and then death.

It may be because I had absolutely no question in my head at that moment about the relationship. When we have something we are working on/figuring out/fixing, we are fixated on the immediate. I had been fixated on the immediate for a long time and this was the first time I looked forward, even as far as mortality.

I suppose it's not that strange. But it was not pleasant either. I can't be going to lie down in the middle of dinner over these little attacks on a weekly basis. that is not functional. But how do we control this? Does anyone have any experience with what I'm talking about?