I used to believe that one person's biggest problem FELT as big as another person's biggest problem, no matter how different those two problems were. The removal of a wart versus the removal of pre-cancerous cysts--I was certain that if the wart was truly the Biggest problem that person had ever encountered, it must have FELT as big as the pre-cancerous cysts.
Even as I write this I begin to realize how absurd it sounds. It's simply the first time I put two such drastic circumstances next to one another and see that my theory doesn't quite hold water.
But I really started to realize that this weekend.
I went to Disneyland with my Guy and he was...out of it. Broody, moody, distant. Didn't even appreciate my sexual advances on the back of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride and just as I am about to reach for Captain Jack Sparrow's rum...he apologized. He simply said "I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind."
And I know he does. He is involved in a law suit right now for goodness sake. But I was frustrated. So, so frustrated.
"Why? WhyyYY can't you just be here? Now? We only see each other 2 days out of the week! And we're at freaking DISNEY LAND!" I implored him desperately after i'd dragged him Out of the theme park and into Downtown Disney since I desperately needed a drink and they just don't serve alcohol where Mickey Mouse lives.
"Because I am stressed out!" While I wanted him at this moment to look at my dejected face, sigh, grab my hand and say "but enough of that for now" and race me to the next ride....that's now what happened.
So I had to chew on this for a while. Stress? I think I understand stress. I THINK that I do.
I'm a firm believer in trying to live in the moment, during those few, very few precious moments when it is actually ok and inconsequential to do so. If you couldn't possibly DO anything about the thing causing you stress right now, then don't think about it right now! .....THis is what i've been a firm believer in.
...But, I'm realizing that it may be easy to be a firm believer in that when nothing particularly FIRM is happening in my life.
I asked a friend of mine "Do you ever feel apprehensive about seeing your guy when you know he is stressed out?"
"Stress?" She shrugged her shoulders, "He doesn't get stressed. Stress, he says, is for other people."
Wow. Wow, her guy owns his own company--one with enough money riding on it that it's got him living in one of the wealthiest areas in southern California. And "stress is for other people" he says? Apparently one of those "other people" is my guy
I am totally at a loss on this one. I didn't know whether or not to call BullShit on my guy because...I didn't know if it was necessarily bullshit. Do some people just have less capacity for stress? Or, do some people make less effort to pull themselves out of it when they actually could...Do some problems really just FEEL bigger than others? Would my friend's guy "have a lot on his mind" at DisneyLand if he were in the same situation as mine? (And I know now I am doing that God Awful thing of comparing that my guy hates..)
More importantly (I mean, I am the one in this relationship) would I, ME, deal with it any better if I were the one dealing with a lawsuit?
I think my real question is, is my theory all Bullshit? Can we, if we want to, pull ourselves out of stress and IN to moments? Or are there some times when that is just beyond us?
Are some people just born with less capacity for stress?
Here I am bouncing around and DisneyLand trying to get freaky by robot pirates and I do have a research paper to begin, blog ideas to come up with for my internship, a story to write for my workshop...etc.. you get the point.. I have stresses, obligations, who doesn't ? But they begin TOMOROW. but not today.
but....will it all not be quite so easy when things get a little more...well...firm?
People handle stress in different ways. Sometimes it is better to express it than keep it bottled in. We don't even share stress with different people. Rather than see it as bullshit I think stress is real. More real than pretending that everything is just wonderful when quite clearly it isn't. Though sex is a great stress release.
ReplyDeleteWow, I could totally relate to the situation about just wanting to be in the moment and hoping people could put their stress aside for just a day. I'm usually stressed out all the time but I don't show my friends that, and stress is all about how you handle it. When I have to handle it, I take care of it, but if I'm out with friends, and I've promised them I'm going to go out with them, even though I am stressed with the deadlines and pressures of school, I will push that stress aside and enjoy the moment. That's just me though, because I've seen how my friends are, and I don't like acting where I push people away. I mean, this one girl friend of mine, she doesn't know how to let stress go, she carries it everywhere, and instead of enjoying a nice night of bowling, she was getting upset and irritated and stressed because she couldn't hit a strike. All of us other girls were all like "come on, it's just a game, stop taking it so seriously" and her negative attitude just made the entire experience just ...iffy. It would have been great if she would have just let go of what was going on that week, but she carried it all the way to a game where it was just for fun. Stress is a killer....that's what I heard. In the case with my friend, it killed my mood for sure.
ReplyDeleteBut like PurpleCow said, people handle stress in different ways and unfortunately some people don't see the direct effect it has on others. It's like a ripple in a pond. It grows, and affects more than it originally intended.